dynamic polygamy

I ran across a response in an interview today that gave voice to something I have been pointing out for a decade or more. In short, our marriage/divorce/marriage pattern (perhaps repeated another time or more) has created a situation where many people's lives are inextricably linked with a former husband or wife, at least until common children are adults. There is a clear relationship there even if it is not always amicable. So, is that significantly different than polygamy?


Katharine Mieszkowski is a senior writer for Salon. This is an excert from her interview of Dalton Conley, chair of the sociology department at New York University.

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Speaking of divorce, you suggest that what the rest of us call serial monogamy, we should call "dynamic polygamy." What do you mean by that?

There is a widely observed phenomenon that highly unequal societies tend to be more polygamous than egalitarian societies. It's a fun metaphor to import here. Now we are living with a lot of remarriages and blended families, which is a form of polygamy. You can have ongoing obligations to the children you had by your first partner living in the hut across town, through child support and alimony, and the same obligations to your current family. So in terms of kinship ties, and the economic relations inherent in those kinship ties, we're no different than a kind of "pre-modern" polygamous society.
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The main difference as I see it, is that while we have these extended multiple relationships, we do so with no love and often with hostility. With very few exceptions, the divorce process creates animosity and the ongoing relationship is unfriendly. Where the exceptions to that occur, we often view the situation as strange. I have an acquaintance whose current wife often pals around with his ex-wife. He views it as a distinct advantage because the co-parenting process is much easier. Another acquaintance has an as-few-words-as-possible relationship with his ex, not soley by his choice. Which of those is more likely to foster well-adjusted children who become adults capable of having sustainable relationships? (Please note the word likely. There is no sure-fire method to raise children.)

Why does our society think polygamy (in this I mean either partner having more than one partner, so perhaps polyamory is a better term) is some horrible thing; the bane of Western Civilization? We already have it, just typically without the love.

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