Thursday, August 20, 2009

"My Big Adventure" by C. Hook

Today began as most others, with a frustratingly slow, relentless pursuit of breakfast. My human companions were slow on the switch, still asleep well after the sun was up. I don't get it. Why don't they nap during the middle of the day? Then they would be up and at it, feeding me when it was appropriate. But no, like the mewling kittens they often seem to be, they needed rousing. I got the female up first, and after an interminable period she gave me First Breakfast. It was...adequate. The male rolled out later (as is his due) and also attended to himself before me. He challenges me constantly for alpha status and I am thinking I might have to remind him, again, just who is in charge. These moments are never pretty.

After Second Breakfast I was ready for either a trip Outside or perhaps a nap. The male indicated that we were going Outside, so I accompanied him. This particular morning was different though, because instead of merely attaching that Mobility Limiting Device (MLD), effectively curtailing my meanderings to a tiny piece of turf, we loaded into the pregnant looking Machine. I was uncertain as we moved away from My Yard and gave a few low growls to voice my displeasure. Male consoled me, and I relaxed seeing that he was at ease. After a Long Time we jumped out. All I got was a few tentative sniffs of the immediate surroundings, shackled as I was again by the MLD. This was vaguely familiar, but an old memory. We went back inside and then it hit me. We were at a place the male referred to as the Vet. Still on the MLD, I explored the area. It seemed calm, no canines being all spastic and alternately trying to eat me or drool on me! Then I spotted him; a big orange tabby lurking on a bench! He looked at me and I at him. Deciding that I could whup him, I ignored him. Bad move as it turned out. But I didn't notice what a sneak he was until later.

The other human, my male referred to her as "Sin-dee", went out of sight and made A Noise. The orange, who Sin-dee called Kal-vin, leaped off the bench and moved his corpulent body surprisingly fast. I would have laughed at his pudge swinging back and forth - actually pulling him into a comic gait as it wallowed back and forth - but that would have been Uncool. Instead I tried to figure out what would make him run, a clearly uncommon event for him. Only one possibility really- Food! Sin-dee came out and I moved towards her as far as the MLD would allow. As surely as mice have tasty brains, she had Food and she put it down for me. Right on! This Sin-dee is OK. I scarfed.

As I was rending the Food, Kal-vin snuck in from the side. Instantly on offense I laid my ears back, bulked up, and let out a mighty hiss! I'll be damned if he didn't do the same. As if he could take me! What was he thinking? Amusingly the humans intervened. My male dropped to my side as if to defend me, while Sin-dee used her hind foot to brush Kal-vin back. Still alert and letting everyone know I was not to be messed with, I allowed my male to move me to a better defensive location. Kal-vin allowed himself to be protected in some undisclosed location. Being no dummy, I remained on high alert, even when Sin-dee gave me some more Food.

Whatever strange reason brought us to the Vet, my male now allowed me to lead him back outside to the Machine. He was all elbows and knees, trying to carry two boxes, a small bag, the business end of the MLD, and an array of jingly things that he fussed with. Eventually he got it together and we loaded back into the Machine. He made soothing noises, and eventually I quit worrying about Kal-vin.

After Some Time we stopped bouncing. The male reattached the MLD and opened the Machine. I jumped out, trying to clear a strange looking puddle. Unfortunately I misjudged and landed weirdly on a strangely-rounded rock, and almost dabbed a paw into that weird muddy puddle. Close call!

This place was Different. The wind was blowing my fur so hard it was almost uncomfortable. There were strange and wonderful smells. There was a ginormous body of water, rolling and splashing like I have never seen. Then, just as I was getting used to the water, I spotted a flock of peculiar Giant Birds. Immediately I dropped into a crouch and started stalking them. My male seemed intent on the hunt as well and the MLD was not inhibiting my movements. The doofus on the other end of the MLD Clearly does not understand stalking, and the Birds flew off before I could get close. Drat! Just one of those would have filled my belly half a dozen times, at least. The male crouched and seemed to want to linger, so I hunkered down in a sunbeam where the wind didn't wreak such havoc on my fur. We chilled.

When I had had enough, I started to lead my male back the way we had come. We loaded back into the Machine and again began bumping. What the heck is going on I do not know, but after indeterminate Time the bumping stops and we were Home. I lead to the Door and we go In. In a bit of brilliance, my male puts Food out for me, an unexpected treat. When I'm done eating, one imperious command is enough to have my male open the Door and allow me back Out. The jerk reattaches the MLD. Well, at least there is fresh rain water out here for me to get a good drink. Now it's time for a little nap under the day lilies. Who knows what incomprehensible thing my human male will do. I really just cannot figure him out, but when all is said and done, he really is an OK sort.


  1. Dear C. Hook: A well written story of your adventure today! I feel the same about many of your issues w/ humans! Redz


    Check out this blog about cooper, the cat that does photography. Its actually really good. Funny though that the cat's pictures prob go for a ridiculous price.

  3. A Great Day, Hook! Y'all have artistic license, naturally; but the storied Female has paused in her reading of your tail ... er, tale ... with some incredulousness over the phrase "The Male rolled out later (as is his due)". [ his 'DUE'?!? ] Lol! Spoken just like a boy-kitty... (until the lioness doesn't get up early to deliver fresh prey, still twitching, for the feline feast). theFemale


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